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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

A Dream

A beer followed by a sumptuous dinner, and end to an exciting IPL match had already persuaded me enough to wrap up the day after a hard day at office. Days were always hard at office not to mention here. So I carried myself to the bed, the bed which has always been faithfully pulling up my body weight, reluctantly or otherwise. I could never figure it out though.

It was always a mysterious thought for me whether a bed could possibly trigger your emotions and feelings because whenever I was on bed, a thought would always sprout out from nowhere. I would think hours, of things that are irrelevant or relevant and up with a conclusion or not.

Counting theory, counting numbers, counting my savings and nothing would prove helpful for a sound sleep. Hours I would change my position from one geometric figure to another. But this day, I spirally fell deep into sleep, thankfully, with very less effort. A few light years into the black holes and I was in the world of dreams.
Like an iron man or a hulk, I landed on a stage already set in my dreams. And it all started here and I had to play my role without even my consent.

It was a place which I had seen it somewhere, somehow in my real life.  A long highway seeming no ends was accompanied with large set of mustard fields on my opposite side and a huge gate followed by a stretch of buildings on the other. It can be a college I once studied in or my office that I hated.  I stood confused as to where I saw it earlier. So I lit up a cigarette. I do that when I am confused, not confused or void.

People started emerging out of nowhere. Rickshaws were a common site by the time I puffed the golden fag. A group of guys and girls, with books in their hands were almost a yard away from me and wait, they were almost approaching me. With some permutations and combinations, I correlated them with a few I saw on Facebook/Twitter though I never saw them in real life. That’s how most of the virtual friends are, aren't they, and how it is supposed to be.  It was all so real.

A bright sunshine all over and soon their shadows overshadowed me. Now they were a foot away and greeted me with smiles. And I recognized them now. It was not my college not my office either. It was your college. And they were “your friends”.  Some I hated and some I disliked. “Your Friends”. And now they were all over me and my existence. I smiled in return.  A round of questionnaire began with how’s and whereabouts. I answered them all like an interview or a fake viva. But my sight was searching something else. It was you and you were nowhere to be found. They asked, I smiled and replied.  There were smiles all around, fake or real, I couldn't guess. Time started passing by, and still you were not in my sight. I panicked a little and asked about you, and all I received was smiles as a gesture.

A sudden noise distracted the “interview”. It was the sound of the college gate opening up, iron screeching against the mud. And it opened. All looked towards it.  A figure approached ahead and the sun followed. I could recognize that figure in thousands. It was “you” and my happiness had no bounds. Even the highway felt a little shorter than it.

You wore a black overcoat over a pink tee and black slim fit jeans to end it. And looked like an angel. Even the sunshine faded against the glow on your face. So it has always been and only I knew it. But you didn't come close. You stood at few meters length with some books in your hands and didn't move.  I stood there gazing at you, your face and your ‘kajal’. Hair tied so cleanly and conditioned. The world had lost its meaning and now I wanted to run towards you and hug you for a lifetime. You sat in front of me and talked. As usual I won’t speak much. I wanted to grab all those moments in my heart. I midst of all your innocent talks I couldn't help in falling for you time and again. Sometimes with the way you would smile, sometimes with the way you would lift your hair, sometimes the way you would ask you endless questions and I would just smile.

Then suddenly you said that “someone” is waiting for you “somewhere” so you would leave. I never asked who “someone” was there and you never told - knowingly or just by chance, I would never know. As usual, I would hide all my emotions behind the mask of that smile.

I did not want to let you go. But then I had no control over it. So it has been always, in dreams or in reality.  Things started vanishing around me. Soon there were no rickshaws, no fields and no friends around. Only me and you. You smiled and waved as you started moving back to the Iron Gate.  I had so much to say to you and so many words I wanted to listen but the medium of sound wasn't there and all I shouted off was in vain. So I gave up finally, smiled and waved you back.

Some drops of tears trickled down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them. She couldn't sense my tears from that end nor was I able to figure out if she was really happy or not. It was so important for me. I tried hard to look into her eyes whether her eyes were also wet; I mean just a little bit maybe. Probably I would never know because I couldn't see anything from where I stood or may be she never wanted to let me know or probably she did not feel anything at all.  She moved inside the Iron gate and it started screeching against the mud again.
I was again all alone on the highway which had no ends and not knowing what to do. So I lit up a cigarette again. Smoked in a hope that somehow I might hide the reality in the smoke. But you guessed it right. I couldn't. And I could never.

 I started walking on the highway. Direction didn't matter. So did the purpose. I just moved forward with no hope and no expectations. It was just all blank.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

If I Had Two Extra Hours: A Soul's Story

"O God! I want just 2 hours to go back to the earth, Please, Please..!"
God replied firmly - "All the life which you were given, you have spent. Not even a moment is left in your account !! Sorry dude".

This was the conversation between me and God when I was separated from my body on earth, few days back. It was a gruesome road accident. I was coming from my office at 11 in night and suddenly a drunk fellow banged his car into mine.  God did not allow me for even two hours on earth as I begged. I was the CEO of a a crazily growing Software Firm, appointed a year back only.

If I had known  that I was left with 2 hours more life then I would have taken out my beautiful wife to have one last dinner with me. I want to hug her and tell that how much I loved her. I wanted to tell her that I want only she as my wife again, in all the lives I get ever. It was just my profession which had taken the toll. It was not that I had stopped loving her less, but was because of handling huge responsibilities of my Company. And in fulfilling those I forgot my own personal responsibilities towards her and our kid. She always yearned for some quality time with me. It's been more than an year we went for vacation and spent some quality time for ourselves,only  for ourselves. I always told her to wait till my company's next target gets met. I want to tell her that I was pushing this hard just to be able to gift her 'The Mansion' which she always dreamt about and gushed over.

I want to spend few last minutes with my 6 year old kid. I couldn't recall when I listened his endless innocent talks patiently. I was always in hurry or engaged with some preoccupied task. He wanted to tell me all the school stories. He always wanted to beat me in a cricket match in our backyard, but I never had time to play and loose a game just for his happiness. Usually I would come after 11 and he was asleep. Every morning he would say 'bye' before going to school in school van. I want to tell him that I was pushing this hard just to  provide him world class education and lifestyle in future.  I want to say 'sorry' to him.

I want to call my mom and dad and say that It was nothing that I had stopped caring them. It was just my profession, whose preference, I never knew when, became above them. I wanted to tell them that It was not that I never thought about them. I wanted to tell them that I was pushing this hard just to renovate huge village haweli as per dad's dream. I wanted to keep both of you here, with me, in the mansion which I was about to buy. I wanted to say 'sorry' to both of them for the way I ignored you.

At last but not the least I wanted to call all my buddies, who had always stood by me in all my low times. And I forgot to embrace them when I was on peaks of success. I want to say cheers again to all of them, one last time.

But time has gone. I am left with all the hopelessness and regret here. I wish I had two extra hours more. I wish I had two extra hours more.

This post is posted under contest in indiblogger.
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Sunday, August 15, 2010

BizaRRe TaLe!! :: PART- 3

Note: Read previous parts to follow the TaLe.

Next day in the evening I decided to call her up on her Basic land line phone. I called. Fortunately she picked up as her parents had gone to some party.

Me: You did not tell me that you have got a boyfriend?
Ria: What!!..Who told you????
Me: I know one guy from your class..he's my friends cousin..
Ria: So you inquired about me..?
Me: Na..not in that way I just told about you..but he gave this information without asking...
Ria: I will kill him!!!!!
Me: You kill him or whatever but tell me one thing- Do you have a bf??(framing each word clearly)
Ria: ..can say YES..he is my class mate...
Me: (disconnected)

I felt as someone hammered me on my head. Till now I was in doubt that her friend might lie or anything. Her acceptance removed all the doubts.
She called back immediately.

She: What happened??
Me: (trying hard to pretend that everything was usual)Phone was cut automatically. I didn't do anything. BTW congrats. Give me the opportunity to meet him..or give his phone number i'll talk to him.
She: : I have to ask him before giving his number to you. I have already told him about you..
Me: (This one answer caused a roar all over my body...she can't give damn number to me without asking him...this time I was sure that I felt jealous and insulted as well) ok..good...I have got some work right now..will talk to u later..give me your new number..
She: I can't give that. He doesn't like my talking to you..
Me: ohhkkk...(was running out of words..first time i felt like hitting her)(disconnected)

After this I had my exams starting in that week itself and no need to tell, all f***d up a very big time. Sometimes I used to call her on her land line - many times her mother picked up And in case she picked up she would give some random excuse(including that her boyfriend's calling on mobile)...

I was missing her every single second but could not do any thing. Just to see her I used to roam around her house. Very few times used to become successful also. No doubt my state was a pathetic one. All I could do was to read her messages in my cell again and again.Those messages became something very soothing, which were like a rubbish before.

I was emotionally damaged totally and decided to end up all. Thought I would say final bye to her and after that will delete out all her contacts. Actually this all I was doing just for my satisfaction and already knew that it mattered nothing to her. I went to Archie's shop. One instinct of me was asking to take a Love Card and propose her without caring for the results(effect of Bollywood  and other instinct for a Good Bye card. Finally I decide to buy a Good Bye card as I knew that to propose her, I had to fight with my own dignity.
I wrote one final message conveying that it was my last bye and how much I was missing her.

I called her on her land line again and again until once she picked up instead of her mother. I asked to meet. She agreed after a little of my effort. She said she had already left the tuition so she could meet me while going to school in the morning. I agreed. Next day I got up at 6 am (an achievement) and reached at the promised location half an hour early. She came. She was accompanied with Neha (same friend).

She: Hii..
Me: (After seeing her after such a long time I was totally choked up so could not speak anything..just smiled)
She: What happened!!!!?
Me: (Took out the greeting card from my jacket and gave to her)Its for u..
She: (holding it..)What is this??
I answered nothing and walked away instead of her shout-'Listen to me..where are you going...Akhir hua kya hai..etc and kept on walking without turning back..

Though she called back in evening after coming back from school but I did not reply. She kept on trying for few days but I ignored each time.And at last her calls stopped coming. I knew not talking to her was the best way to heal myself.

My engineering got completed and one day  left the city. It's been almost an year since it happened but now also her face is intact in front of my eyes. Still I am not able to understand what happened to my type of guy who doesn't believe in Shahrukh Khan. Nothing sort of this happened earlier in spite of flirting with other charming and b'ful girls.
After this I am left with nothing to draw conclusions. You people may think I was screwed up by a girl of 8th standard or I was mad enough to talk to her in first place or it happens or anything...Its you people who draw the conclusions and give comments.

Although I tried to find some alternative to solve the problem but it came out to be another adventurous story. But right now I am not in mood to tell another story... :(

Saturday, August 14, 2010

BizaRRe TaLe!! :: PART- 2

NOTE - Read the previous post in this blog to follow the TaLe.

All long talks on phone and the game of message-message was on its peak.

Although nothing sort of propose and all happened but still during this period I started wondering what if she got serious. So I tried to ignore her several times. But that was for only initial two miss calls because it became irresistible to ignore the third one.

Now she had got one tutor and went to tuition in the evening.

I used to meet her at her tuition point as it was not that easy to talk face to face at her home. During these days she introduced me to her friend Neha, who also studied at the same tuition point.

One day her mother was sleeping inside and having a good opportunity to meet, she called me downstairs in her drawing room. And I was lost in her talks. Suddenly her mother came in the room with suspicious looks (might be she was listening to our talks for some time :P). I stood up and went out of the room straight away without wasting a second. She did not reply any of my calls and messages whole next day. It strengthened my belief that something went wrong. After this matter I used my common sense and decided to change my room next day (before I was kicked out with huge public humiliation :D).

I did not tell my plans to her as I knew that she would never agree for that. I changed the room next day. She was so sad that she refused to talk that whole day but any how I managed to convince her (after trying to explain again and again) an everything became smooth again.
 Nothing changed. We kept talking on phone as before. The thing just changed was that that we could not see each others face daily.

One fine morning I woke up late(as usual) and saw the watch, "Oh I missed the first lecture" said to myself (as if everyday I was able to attend -I missed the lecture daily). I called her(it was second thing used to do after getting up as first one was regretting for the missing lecture). Her cell was switched off. I did not gave a thought and assumed that there might be some problem. But started worrying when it remained switched off whole day. Although I called on her Basic landline phone few times but each time her mother picked up and I had to pretend someone who dialed wrongly.
Next day I went to her tuition. She was not visible anywhere. I saw Neha and went to her.

Neha: Hi..
Me: What happened..her cellphone is switched off??(never cared to wait for her 'hi').
She: Ya..she has changed her number.
Me: Ok give me the new number (taking out my cellphone from the pocket and ready to type).
She: I can't give you.
Me: What!!!?(puzzled looks)
She: Ya..I can't give u.
Me: I know there are certain problems, I know her mother suspects but still..(lost all the rational mind as I was almost dead in these days and badly I wanted to listen her voice, at any cost)
She: No..her mother does not know anything!!
Me: Sure???
She: could she know??
Me: (regretting again and again that why I changed the room..was i so coward???) na..nothing..I just thought.. Then what is the prob..!!!?
She: I can't tell you.
Me: Why!!!!(my face was red in anger)..Please tell me(suddenly expressions changed to 'helplessness')..I will definitely solve everything..I am dying to talk..
She: Well...(her expressions were telling she felt very pity for me)..I can tell you but please don't tell to her..(means my acting of helplessness was good)
Me: Ok..(the best thing with girls is that they cannot keep others secret for long..especially some other girl's secret ..)
She: Her boyfriend doesn't like her talking to you..
Me: What !!!!!!!!?????(I felt as if someone broke all my bones in one go..), she has got a boyfriend also???
She: Ya..
Me: But she never told me...
She: She feared that you would not like it..
Me: What the f*** I have to do with her boyfriend.. She is not my girlfriend..I just want to talk to her because I like talking to her..
She: But she won't talk to you...
Me: Just tell her i want to talk to her last time..plz plz plz..
She: I gotta go..(she went away hurriedly).

I was telling myself again and again that-" It is fact that I am not her boyfriend and never wanted to be". Then also I am angry, sad, helpless at the same time. Definitely there was something wrong. "Am I in love??".."No man How can anybody do such stupid thing"...(contd)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

BizaRRe TaLe!! :: PART 1

Me: If u put the value of this variable in above equation then u will get the value of the other variable..
Ria: Ok..
Me: After adding the two u will get the..
Ria(interrupting..taking my pen in her hand and writing something quickly on the same page) Do u know dis cell-number(pointing downwards)?
Me(???..controlling the spontaneous flow of 'WTF',a hostel life acquired lingo,as i told myself - ohh i was talkin to a girl)What is this..?This is my no..!!!
Ria: ya..I remember it by heart..(smiling)
Me: (irritation was cleary visible on my face...)What for..??
Ria(smiling...seeing towards me as if enjoying my anger)
Me(realising the intent which i missed at first glance..OMG!!)If u memorize one formulae from maths then you might get passed this time, this number is not important for u...(and I took the pen back to complete the question..)
Ria: (ignoring my words..taking back the pen again and wrote another number on the page...)your no is important for me and this is my no..
Me(totally frustrated)See..I am least interested in you..and u r too young to do this, put your mind in'll benefit u more (I left the room in hurry..)

 This was the conversation between me and the landlord's 14 year old daughter(class 8th student),when I used to live in a PG in 3rd yr of my engineering. I was teaching maths to Ria, as her mother requested me. She could not find any tutor for her daughter and asked if i could teach her daughter for 3-4 days before the exams. As a very ideal good boy I said - "No problem aunti..I will teach her...". Actually I had no other choice as two months' rent was still to be given.

 That day I had to meet my mini project's most responsible colleague Anuj. He called me to make me understand all that stuff (as I didn't do a single thing in the project), so that I get enough in my mind to speak out a few words in the presentation next day.
I went there. He had just started explaining (my phone rang). "Oops..sorry yaar..I will put it on Silent Mode..". I said after observing few drops of irritation on his face. He kept on explaining about 1 hour and I was like -"ok..hmm.." all the time.

While coming back,  i saw my cell's screen. OMG!!! there were 60+ miss calls from an unknown number (off course it was her number).

I called back..

Me(angrily)What u wanna do now..tell me whats your problem. Say, what u want to say..???
Ria: I felt like talking to you.
Me: (wanted to say WTF you wanted to talk)k..then tell me, what is it u want to talk..?
Ria(in very low voice)Nothing.
Me: (what a bullshit..this time it was really hard to overcome my anger)ok, if nothing is there then better u hang up the phone..(disconnected).

At room I could not concentrate on anything.Whenever I was successful in making myself indulged somewhere else, her voice used to pull me again. Actually at first floor (where I lived) any louder voice from the ground floor(where she lived) was easily audible.
Slowly my anger was cooling down and I was coming to more practical solutions. I was just wondering how to make her understand that she was too young to do this and if still she wants to do then why me!!, who is almost 6 yrs older than her.She could choose any boy from her school.
I decided to talk to her to make her understand everything.
I called up in night (I knew she was alone in the drawing room as lights were up..didn't know doing what) and told same thing quite humbly pretending to be very composed and mature this time. She was just listening and saying nothing or a few 'hmm'..'k'.

After that I assumed she clearly understood that I was not the one.

(After few days)
I started receiving romantic messages on my cell from the same number. I ignored.
After another few days I started feeling pity for her as her sad eyes were visible every time I came home from college. She used to sit in front of the gate pretending to study, at the time when I used to return back from the college. I started replying but selectively sending good messages (inspirational).
This went on and in no time I was used to her messages. And now started sending other types of messages also-be it joke, romantic(except non-veg).
In this period I learned that she was not younger by her talks as I was thinking earlier. She always sounded like any other girl with whom I flirted earlier. And whenever I said that she was too younger, she used to go mad. In aggression asking - "Tell, from where I m younger..??".
Not to say, very soon I became addicted of her messages and calls. Although I was feeling very awkward at the same time but still could not stop myself from carrying on that. We had long talks on phone regularly, and most of the time she used to call me from her basic phone. This all continued until there came a bit turning point in the story..(contd)

I must admit she was the most cutest and beautiful thing happened to me in my life. But as they say - Most of the beautiful things do not last for long same was true in this case also.
.................Like many other stories it had a tragic end.